My Mind Battles My Conscience

Life hasn't been...calm lately, I guess?

Couple weeks ago, one of my high school friend died.

I don't know him personally, nor do I remember talking to him. (Dang, I'm such a jerk)
However, I do remember his face, the way he walked, the smile he used to have in his face.

Death has always brought shock.

This is not the first shocking news of death I heard this year.
However, none...none of those people I know is as young as him.
He's not even 19, he's still 18.

Life maybe short for some people.
He died and he will never graduate from college, nor he will marry a pretty girl, standing upon the altar, telling a lifelong promise of marriage.
He will never write his end of college's thesis.
He will never even have sex for the first time in his life. 
He will never cuddle his first child.
He will never...see his child marries a great gentleman/a gorgeous lady.

As I wasted my time laying on my bed before I surrendered to my body's eagerness to slumber, my mind tortured me with question of the existence of afterlife.
Yes, it's been weeks since my mind came up with this fierce battle over the existence of afterlife, even before the shocking news.

If afterlife never ever exist, is there merely a dark void waiting for us after death?
How sad it is if there's no afterlife.

If there's no afterlife, my friend died and his soul would perish into nothing.
A consciousness is gone.
The body returned into the depth of the earth, welcomed gently by the mother nature as one of his sons.

A life perished.

And my mind still wanders weeks after, asking the same question over and over again.

RIP Hendri Tjokrodinata.

We may one day reunite in heaven.