I got reason, I got music, I have no man, who can ask for anything more?

Once I lost, but now I'm found.

Oh well, what a cool intro. (Yes, drum roll please)

In the past two weeks, I was questioning myself about the reason why I play (that includes taking the major of piano performance, practicing for couple hours a day, stressing out before recital and even some piano lessons) the piano.
It is an old question; I have been searching for the answer for a year.
It started when I had a terrible piano lesson back home.
I do not even remember, actually, why Pak Joh asked me why I love piano.
It happened just like that, in our lesson.

So, yes, I did not know why at first.
He told me his reason is 'because when I play the piano, I can...make images, y'kno like a film director. Isn't that cool?'
Oh dang it, I miss you, Mister-who-accidentally-dragged-me-to-this-path!

For now, I know why.

I love to play piano because when I play it really really well, I can make a whole new world inside my mind, I can take people to another world, to a new atmosphere. I can make the time stops when I play the piano. I can be Neo, y'kno from Matrix, stopping the time (and bullets).

In exchange for this newly found reason, I...flunked my two lessons.
(pff, not really, I didn't practice well after that departmental recital - Haydn, Hob XVI:50, 2nd and 3rd movement, so yeah. yeah. yeah.)

Anyway,
I was stressed out with this lesson and obviously Dr. B was sooo disappointed.
But this, this made me feel as if I were home.
As if I was still in high school, practicing and proud of the time I spent during practicing.
Pak Joh was seldom be happy with my lessons and always pushed me farther.

In the States, I'm way too relaxed. People always tell me things like 'everything is gonna be okay' or 'I think your repertoires are okay'.
Nah people, I do not want to only learn 1 1/2 sonata a year + 1 Bach Prelude-Fugue + 1 Debussy prelude in a year.
I want more.

In this paradoxical situation, I enjoy this stressing out and her disappointment.

Suddenly, Abilene's rain smells like Jakarta's rain.
Suddenly, Abilene's traffic is similar to Jakarta's traffic.
Suddenly, everything does not matter, but piano.

I'm so glad that I'm back to ground zero with this spirit whatever.

Somehow, I hope, it's not too late.

Just in case you can't read the note: You need no boyfriend today. You know why? Because you are awesome, lovable, talented, capable, sensitive, wise, musical, creative, relational, hard worker, adaptable, and...you are so loved by your friends, family and heavenly Daddy. A sweet little Valentine notes from Asia :)