I know, that's kinda dumbdumb. People will say, "sure!"
I just feel obliged and attached to many stuffs, y'kno, things like bonds and promises.
I have been wondering whether we do have free will or not. Bah, I'm just too fancied by the idea of Plato's Allegory of Cave and The Matrix.
Interlude: Ba Ba Black Sheep. (oh whatever)
Why am I asking this, you say?
Oh well, after that wonderful departmental recital last Wednesday, I kinda flunked my Prokofiev.
I gotta say, I did practice, but not regularly.
Or maybe, I was just too tired and flunked my whole Prokofiev while having my lesson with Dr. B.
Perhaps.
Perhaps not.
But yeah, that was the story.
And I presume y'kno the typical story afterwards.
Your piano prof/teacher will:
(1) tell you that you shall remember your priority.
(2) Ask you whether there is something that you need...that she can help (y'kno stuffs like...helping you prioritize stuffs, some time organizing tricks)
(3) Show disappointed face (yes, this one is very torturing, super duper torturing experience)
(4) in my case, she told me that "you'll have the concerto competition in 8 months and we haven't done single thing.
(5) tell you that you're waaaaaaaaaay behind the schedule
(6) ask you to make a more organized plan.
(7) tell you that you got 'great techniques, dedication, work ethics, great musicality' (and implicitly ask you a rhetoric question of why you won't just practice...you have these basic needs and you're not the only one with problems, oh yes, she mentioned that her other students have their own problems as well.)
In one way, I'm kinda glad she's so pushy. pak joh used to tell me that I really am in a desperate need to find a pushy prof. He told me like...zillion times.
In another way, I'm questioning myself (again and again and again), oh why I am aiming to be a pianist...of why I love piano...
Pak Joh used to ask me why I love piano. And I never ever know the answer.
I dunno.
In one way, I feel obliged to all those bonds and promises.
In another way, I know I cannot quit.
As Phantom said, "You have passed the point of no return".
Oh yes, I always told myself that when I was in high school, "I have passed the point of no return. My legs are into this stuff called piano, I just better swim in this situation."
Dad used to say that I cannot do everything all at once; I gotta pick, I gotta prioritize.
Really? I just wanna have everything: straight A, piano stuffs, intramural basketball, enjoyable social life.
Pff, humans. Maybe, I am just too bounded with too many stuffs.
Maybe, I am just kinda frustrated cause people are gone missing from the hall.
Feed me with love....pff...nah, with Chinese food.
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| It's HSU's Recital Hall. Fancy. |
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